Parenting, or something like it

“If you don’t stop it right now, you’re going into time out for two hours. Do you hear me? TWO HOURS!”

I was in GAP trying on some pants and the cacophony of crying and screaming had gone on for nearly 20 minutes. The Exasperated Mom was in her early 30’s, the child wasn’t even two and for some reason would just not stop crying. The screaming was getting to everyone; even me, who felt slightly cheated because I went shopping by myself to get away from screaming children, not be surrounded by other ones.

“Two hours is a long time, Madison. A very, very LOOOONG time.”

As she uttered those words a huge grin spread across my face. Because if you’ve been a mom for more than 3 days, you’ve hit that wall. That wall where rational thought is completely overwhelmed by the intense desire to get your kid to just shut up. Clearly, this kid was out of control. Also,  she had no idea what two hours meant. Also fairly easy to spot was the fact that Exasperated Mom had no intention of following through on that threat because it was pretty obvious follow-through was most likely the larger general problem.

“I need you to stop NOW. NOW! Two Hours. You want candy? I’ll give you candy but you need to stop crying”

Still, I find myself understanding of people in these situations because I’ve been there too. I have said ridiculous things in the irrational hope that Gwen will stop whatever it is she’s doing that is annoying or embarrassing me at the moment. It’s all part of that trial by fire which molds parents into something slightly super-human, but is also an occasionally painful process. Everyone gets to pay their dues. From sleepless nights to tantrums in the store to sleepy hugs at night to candy hand-prints on the wall. Good, bad, and beautiful, you get them all.

“We’re going. Get in the stroller, we’re leaving now. Madison? Get up. Right now. NOW!”

The child wasn’t getting up, but as the mom came out with who I can only assume was Madison draped under her arm, I said hi to her. I also commented on what a pretty little girl Madison was. The mom was fuming, but clearly appreciated the fact that I wasn’t ostracizing her based on her daughter’s behavior. I told her I had two of my own and had been there too. Exasperated Mom looked like she wanted to cry, and I imagine she probably went to the car and had a good weep. We chatted for about a minute longer, and she headed out of the store.

Kids occasionally turn you into an irrational lunatic spouting out words and ultimatums which won’t be carried out. However, it’s always nice to know that you’re not alone on that one.