Today was a panicky sort of day.
I woke up this morning as we all do, and I prepared for work. It’s a rather new job, and though I graduated with a degree in Geography and Environmental Studies. . .I’ve managed to work for an oil company and now a defense contractor in my short, rather ironic, professional life. I don’t like this job any more than the last, and am gritting my teeth working here so I can get my masters paid for.
This morning, however, was not a morning full of reason as I realized just how little my job did to make a difference in the world and how much I hated sitting in a cube. I looked at Greg a bit wild-eyed and suggested that perhaps I could join the Army, and train to become a medic, so I could then go to school a while longer while I was out to become a doctor, and THEN after starting a family practice, I could join Doctors without Borders and really make a difference in third-world countries.
He, of course, calmly listened to everything I said and stated if that’s what I wanted to do – he would be OK with it, but today we needed to get to work and if I could please get in the car now…
*sigh*
And then I realized while I’m sitting here at my cube staring at my pink walls and watching silly putty droop off of the side of my computer monitor that I could really go help any of those causes right now, but the courage required to walk away from a steady, good-paying job for something that is emotionally more rewarding and financially foolish… is more than I have.
To a lesser extent I’m too attached to money ( or rather, what it can provide) to just give away quantities (large or small) to these causes…
Heck, I’m not even willing to give up a few hours a week to volunteer in my community…
I suppose my life would be a bit easier if it weren’t so full of contradictions.
I woke up this morning as we all do, and I prepared for work. It’s a rather new job, and though I graduated with a degree in Geography and Environmental Studies. . .I’ve managed to work for an oil company and now a defense contractor in my short, rather ironic, professional life. I don’t like this job any more than the last, and am gritting my teeth working here so I can get my masters paid for.
This morning, however, was not a morning full of reason as I realized just how little my job did to make a difference in the world and how much I hated sitting in a cube. I looked at Greg a bit wild-eyed and suggested that perhaps I could join the Army, and train to become a medic, so I could then go to school a while longer while I was out to become a doctor, and THEN after starting a family practice, I could join Doctors without Borders and really make a difference in third-world countries.
He, of course, calmly listened to everything I said and stated if that’s what I wanted to do – he would be OK with it, but today we needed to get to work and if I could please get in the car now…
*sigh*
And then I realized while I’m sitting here at my cube staring at my pink walls and watching silly putty droop off of the side of my computer monitor that I could really go help any of those causes right now, but the courage required to walk away from a steady, good-paying job for something that is emotionally more rewarding and financially foolish… is more than I have.
To a lesser extent I’m too attached to money ( or rather, what it can provide) to just give away quantities (large or small) to these causes…
Heck, I’m not even willing to give up a few hours a week to volunteer in my community…
I suppose my life would be a bit easier if it weren’t so full of contradictions.
I understand, we love to live in the lives we hate because it provides comfort and we don't hate these lives, we just wish they had a drastic positive effect that we can tangible measure.... well that's at least me
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